Leaning for Momma

I don't know how many of you are on Khan Academy. My kids are, so I jumped in. I played around with some math tonight. There are classes offered by California Academy of Sciences. So now momma is watching videos on Biodiversity. Why the heck not?
I have found some other places online to learn for free as well. Many college and universities offer Open Courses. Here is a website that has a pretty awesome list of them. People of all ages can learn all sorts of things, FOR FREE! How awesome is that?


Resources:

BBC Learning

Duolingo

Smithsonian Education

Firetrucks and more

Today was a pretty busy. The first thing we did was go to our local fire stations open house. Hezzie did not want to leave. He worked on his stop drop and roll. He has a blast.
I think the highlight of his visit was putting on this uniform. He was so very excited. Now he wants to go back to the Fire Memories Museum. I know it would be fun as they acquire new items all the time.
After that Maggie and I went to say the Rosary for America and a local park, then off to a birthday party. We had a long day, but it was fun.
I know we need to move for more than one reason. I just am a bit sad at all the people we will be leaving. But, they are all apart of my journey, and for that I am blessed.
Next year we will be at a different Fire Safety Week, a different parish and probably celebrating birthdays with other kids.
Dexter will be enrolling in a full time public high school, we will be joining the YMCA and visiting the library a whole lot. We found a great local and active homeschool support group.
We have plans to add more fruit trees on the property and starting a garden. We have an area for tortoises, which we plan on adopting.  I am so happy things are finally coming together for our family. Our next big project is getting married in the church. One day at a time.....
Now I need to research local OT's. PT's and Speech Therapists,

All This and More

It looks like things are coming together. We should be in a new house at some point soon. Going on 40 and we are finally growing up. It feels crazy, good, stressful and peaceful all at one time. It's a big change and some of my kids are taking moving from the place we have called home for more than a decade is pretty scary. There have been tears, tics and even tantrums. We are going to do everything we can to maintain friendships. How can we not? Most of these people are really family.
I know some people think it's crazy since we are moving just under 45 miles away. It might as well me a million in some ways. We will have to make new friends, join new troops and packs, join a new Parish. We will even need to find new doctors and mechanics, even a new Walgreens. Yes, we are on first name basis with our Walgreens pharmacy and the makeup counter ladies.
But, change can be good, Very good. Our current hometown is becoming more unsafe, sexual assault crimes are up. Human trafficking is commonplace and murder is on the rise. Yes, I am well aware crime is everywhere.
We will have new places to explore. new places to make part of our daily lives. We will be more central to things that interest our kids, art, cultural and history.We will be closer to city and mountain. We will get to hike and fish.....What more could anyone want in an area?

Happy Sixth Birthday, Hezekiah!

My dear Hezekiah,

I can't believe how much you have grown . Not just in stature, but in person. You've come a long way baby. You're talking a lot more now, and using some big words. Yeah, I know you have a hard time being understood right now. Don't worry, you're getting there. 

I don't know if you remember when you were born. But, I do. It was a warm day. Daddy was there with my in the hospital. He thought you were so beautiful and I still think you are. 

I know sometimes I get irritated when you're loud. That's just me getting old and being weird. You're still a good kid. I can't wait for the next six years.

Love, 

Momma 

10 Random Updates

1. Three kids enrolled in California Virtual Academy. Their choice.

2. Two kids are still unschooled, best choice for them.

3. Two kids learning German. One is unschooled, one is virtual schooled. 

4. Hezekiah. Is turning six in just over a week.

5. While I've overcome taking diabetic meds, I'm still having some issues. Mostly low blood sugar and what not.

6. Because is dental work I'm going to have to forgo my 20th class reunion.

7. I feel emotionally in a good place right now.

8. I can't wait to move.

9. I miss my sister and how we used to be close.

10. I like spending time with friends. I got to do that today. 

Hey you!

Hey you! Yes you with the wild hair, you with the shy smile, and you with crazy style. Stay you. Don't let people change you. Don't let people say blue isn't your color or striped make you look fat. 

Don't let people tell you art is a waste of time or comic books are for nerds. It's okay to be a nerd. It's okay to enjoy things others may not. It's okay to wear boots with shorts or skirts. It's okay to have short hair or long hair. It's okay to run barefoot through the garden, to laugh with your brothers and to read funny books.

It's okay to be skinny, fat or something in between. It's okay to mix patterns, keep your home clean or in progress. It's okay to like people other people don't. It's okay to be generous. It's okay to love, get mad and state your opinion. It's okay to lay in the grass and look at clouds. 

It's okay to be you! 

Love, 

Momma 

Sometimes

Sometimes we just need to celebrate life for the sake of celebrating. That's what happened today. We celebrated our life as a family, the kids hung steamers and other decorations. They shredded streamed to make giant confetti. They put on party hats, some music snd started tossing it in the air so the ceiling fan would blow it all over.

The youngest kids became excited when it would land on them. As if they were being showered on with pieces of happiness. 

This was just a small part of our day. I'm just glad I was witness and part of it.

Unschooled, homeschooled...change

This is a photo of Joaquin watching a video, because he loves videos.  My kids are all going in the direction of their choices. Dexter, Waylon and Hezzie wants online charter school. Dexter has been approved and starts next Tuesday. Waiting to here about the other kids.

Joaquin and Maggie are still fans of unschooling or rather life learning. This type of learning is what really works best for them.  All kids learn differently. I've learned to respect that. I'm really excited and a bit anxious about the changes. 

There are a lot of changes going on. We are looking to move to a permanent location. Looking for an area more central to the needs we have as a family. Nothing big city, nothing rural. I have a house picked out, hoping it's something move in ready and what God wants for us. It's in a town with what appears to be an amazing parish. The town also has a great Boy Scout Troop and Cub Scout Pack we intend on visiting. I'll start a Girl Scout troop or Maggie can choose to be a Julliette. 

The town has a lot if locally owned businesses, close to the boys specialist, music, theatre and family activities. There's also a Montessori middle school that a couple of my kids would eventually like to attend. There is also a lot of parks, and it's bike friendly. 

I'm sad to know there is a good chance we will be leaving the place we've calked home since 2001, the place that all of our kids (except steph and dex) were made in love and have only ever known. I've got and amazing framily here. But, things have recently changed or are in the process of changing. Sometimes change is scary, but very necessary. 

complete mayhem

This is an older picture of Tanni. Before she got completely needy. She is so attached to me lately, to the point I scream for time that is quiet and without someone near me. I behaving like a child.
When I was in the hospital she stayed with my mom, and even overnight a couple nights. I missed her and she apparently missed me. She is in my face or my stuff all the time. It's frustrating when I leave her home and my lipsticks are missing the lids and my bedroom door is wide open, I leave is closed.
I know some of my crazy feeling are stress, age and just needing time with grown people. I love my baby, I love her to the moon and back. Part of me has a weird feeling she knows something it going to happen to me. That is my anxiety letting my brain act a fool.
40 is around the corner, and I need to cherish the tiny years with her. She likes doing what I do. I never had that with Maggie, so I am making it a point forward....embrace it.

August Confessions

This is a series I used to do on an old blog. Let me revisit it.

1. I am trying very hard to get organized. 

2. I have been yelling way too much.

3. I think I send sabotage, that's never good.

4. I wish people who leave my room alone, because it's nice when I'm in there  and it's clean.

5. I'm frustrated with my kids and their shenanigans.

6. I just want a Pepsi and cookies!

7. I'm scared that I'm not on diabetes meds anymore.

8. I love babyshowers!

9. My weightloss has made my body oddly shaped.

10. Sometimes Tanni feels too needy!

Thoughts

Here I am, deleting my post for about the fifth time. I tried writing about decluttering, about toothaches and random things. Really what is on my mind is the struggle and death of one Mr. Robin Williams. I only knew him from the screen, both television and movie. I never saw him on stage, but that neither here nor there.

Last night I fell asleep a bit early, was woken up by my nursing 9 month old, followed by the pangs of my my five year old toothache. I laid there for some times thinking, possibly too much. I read and shared articles on Facebook about suicide, depression, and mental illness in general. His death really upset me, it scared me. Not because he seemingly "had it all" and was "so funny", and then this happened. No, it's because of the battle he was fighting is something that lingers within my core family. I have anxiety, so imagine I was so was anxious I felt at the thought of my husband or my daughter going through something and not seeing an end in site. It's a reality that can happen, and that I pray does not.

People who battle bipolar disorder will have times of great struggle and times they feel like they should be struggling. What has happened in our home, medication will work for a short time, or will work at the cost of enjoying life. The highs will stop and the lows are just high enough to brush your teeth and eat your meals. Sometimes they work in such a way that everything is amplified. Your thoughts can become more disturbing to yourself, and you're afraid to share them with others.

My hope is that awareness is raised,  but that this awareness not be fleeting. That the stigma of mental illness not be one of shame and misunderstanding. That a person can ask for help and not be told by a loved on that they are "being dramatic" or "it's in your head", and the best answer "You just need Jesus". Sometimes even those with strong faith, have dark hours.
I tell my kids, even before this happened....if the thought even crosses your mind, tell me. If you are afraid to tell me, call your uncle. My brother Mario isn't judgmental, and I know he would help them to get the help they need, or sit and listen to what they are going through.

If you are someone you know are battling mental illness seek help, seek education, seek understanding.

Resources:
NAMI
Mental Health America
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Veterans Crisis Line

Oh, Saturday!

Rooms were switched around today. I have major oral and facial pain. Why does this need to happen now?

Kids are in good spirits and looking forward to adding a new prayer this upcoming week. Tanni is learning to chew gum like a lady. She's a cutie, sometimes she a beast.

Maggie bought a cool toy to review at the Dollar Tree. It's pretty fun and she's playing this evening with Hezzie. 

My goal is to get quality sleep and to wake up refreshed. 

Life Skills

Maybe I should call them "Momma Helpin' Skills". Joaquin learned how to pump gas yesterday, after he went in and paid for it. He was really happy and really confused at first. 

He also can run into our favorite grocery store now. He likes going in and picking up some fruit, drinks and stuff for a salad. He's getting big and is liking doing some more independent things. 

He is excited about a few things when he's older. He wants to learn to drive, and get a job at Walgreens. And really he could do both.

He got his FitBit yesterday, and he's on a roll. Love this kid and all his quirks. He's a good kid who couldn't look at my face when we had our sex talk yesterday.  But, even kids who are not atypical need that talk.

Park Time

We went to the park for a little bit this afternoon. It was nice to get fresh wait and exercise. The kids played on the equipment and then we walked across the park to the veterans memorial. It was really a nice time.

Like the good Cub Scout he is, Hezzie had his first aid kit. He is pretty awesome like that. I like doing things like this, it makes my heart warm and sun is good. 

 

Then we got to come home, make dinner and enjoy some time in prayer. The prayer we are practicing this week:

The Apostles Creed

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth;
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son Our Lord,
Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into Hell; the third day He rose again from the dead;
He ascended into Heaven, and sitteth at the right hand of God, the Father almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting.
Amen.

10 Things I Do When I Can't Sleep

1. Lay in bed and wish I was sleeping.

2. Move furniture around. That always makes people happy in the morning.

3. Pray. 

4. Watch movies in Netflix.

5. Clean rooms and then leave them half cleaned.

6. Organize toys and books. Usually this includes purging and later regretting giving away a copy of a J.D. Salinger book or a wooden toy.

7. Read fantastic books and go even longer without sleep.

8. Wash walls and leave the soap mix on the counter.

9. Rearrange my altar.

10. Make lists of things to do with scouting.

You know that thing, where you feel like the world is crumbling on you...and it's piles of laundry? That is me lately. I feel like I'm a bad homemaker most days. 

Laundry is one of my favorite things to do, until I see clean clothes on the closet floor covered with muddy toys. Okay, sometimes just the fact that they aren't hanging makes them dirty to me. 

I have a laundry system and sometimes people interrupt it. They put clothes in baskets that could easily be hung, or on top of the dryer, and then they fall behind it. Ugh! 

This just makes me crazy, then a skip a day or two of laundry and I'm back under the world crushing piles of laundry.

Should I feel bad ? Probably not. But, I can't help but not think that the laundry falling behind is just the push I need to to get my lazy business cards made.

Until next time here is cookie pretending like he doesn't know me.

-The Notorious M.O.M.

What I Really Want for Mothers Day

1. I want my kids to clean their rooms. Clean them really good. Because, I don't want to.

2. I want my kids to not fight. Because, it makes feel like I'm on a crazy train when they do.

3. I want someone to weed and hoe my front yard. Because, I want to plant colorful things all over.

4. I want someone to weed and clean my backyard. Because, I want to lay on a recliner under a tree drinking sweet tea. Yeah, I'm that neighbor.

5. I want picture frames. Because, I want to display pictures of my kids awkward phases, so one day when they come to visit, we can laugh til I pee my pants. Trust me, it won't take much.

Is that too much to ask?

-The Notorious M.O.M.

Turning 38 and Self Pity

Yesterday I turned 38. I woke up to someone canceling plans on me. Then I went into a spiral of anxiety and self pity. Jimmy took the boys to speech for me. I laid dramatically on my love seat and cried. Then anxiety set in with ridiculous worries.

Most of the morning I saw my 38 years on earth as failure. My great goals never being accomplished and worry my kids will grow up to be horrible people. Worry that I'm dying in the short term and nobody will care. At the time all the fears were so real.

Another worry was that I'm too unhealthy to give any of them any more good life experiences and memories. I cried a good while, sat around without a bra. Then I got out of my head. 

My mom came to take me to lunch I did a few other things and ultimately had a good day. My kids and Jimmy made my day pretty special. I got a new owl, homemade cards, cake and homemade dinner.

Monday I see the therapist and hope to gain healing on several fronts. I have VA paperwork to fill out and need to get my dang ID. 

Life really isn't so bad, just sometimes things make it feel too much. 

My need a neck and head massage.

-The Notorious M.O.M.

TBall

Hez had his first tball practice yesterday. He liked it until the wind really got going. He went and hid in the van for a bit until I asked him to try again and reassured him if the wind didn't blow Tanni away, he wouldn't blow him away. He jumped up and went back to it.

In other news...I like 7up in a glass bottle. You know the kind that is hecho en Mexico. Just thought you all wanted to know that, oh and the strap of my chancla broke last night. 

-The Notorious M.O.M.

Baseball and Boy Scout

Today I had a lot of day time running around to do. I'm went on a walk this morning with my friend. Dang blister on my foot started forming so we had to cut it short. 

Waylon needed new shoes and baseball cleats. So that happened. Some days I'm not sure how we do it. But, it gets done. 

I had to cancel Girl Scouts today. There is   Always next week.

My Waylon had his first day of baseball. Pretty cool. He was shy at first but warmed up when he remembered a kid from his old Cub Scout Pack. He has a good arm, just have to work on that arm.

Dexter got his tenderfoot today at Boy Scouts. Proud momma moment!!! I love this kid. He's really putting his foot forward. 

Tonight we are at home making some maybem with big bouncy balloons. I bet you didn't know that they make good headwear.

Wonder what all tomorrow will bring!

-The Notorious M.O.M.

Sunday

So today Dexter had baseball practice. Three hours of practice.  He came home ready to eat a big lunch.

Right now the older kids are planning in starting on weather merit badges, belt loops and pins. These kids really like their scout things. 

I'm going to make our weekly schedule. As far as scheduled activities go, and I'll post that mayhem. 

Right now I'm busy watching The Wonder Years, and wishing I had hot chocolate. Oh, boy! 

- The Notorious M.O.M.

Baseball Hair and Other Things

Oh my stars, so many things are changing up around here. The kids have decided that in addition to scouting, life is now going to include baseball. Okay, I can handle that. Here's the thing, I want to be everywhere at once. Is that normal? I love my kids and hate missing junk. But, when I do miss, it's always fun hearing their version of things. 

My 11 year old has a great coach, he will also be coaching tball for the 5 year old. Fantastic!

So my house is filling up with scouting stuff, baseball things amongst all the other things we have here. 

Lots to be thankful for. Mostly I'm glad there are things to get them off Minecraft.

-The Notorious M.O.M.

Hello and Welcome to The Mayhem

It's me The Notorious M.O.M.  M.O.M. as in Manager of Mayhem. Not only do I have six kids, I have three dogs, three cats and various other animals to manage.

Come follow me as I laugh and cry my way through this journey. 

-The Notorious M.O.M.