Thoughts

Here I am, deleting my post for about the fifth time. I tried writing about decluttering, about toothaches and random things. Really what is on my mind is the struggle and death of one Mr. Robin Williams. I only knew him from the screen, both television and movie. I never saw him on stage, but that neither here nor there.

Last night I fell asleep a bit early, was woken up by my nursing 9 month old, followed by the pangs of my my five year old toothache. I laid there for some times thinking, possibly too much. I read and shared articles on Facebook about suicide, depression, and mental illness in general. His death really upset me, it scared me. Not because he seemingly "had it all" and was "so funny", and then this happened. No, it's because of the battle he was fighting is something that lingers within my core family. I have anxiety, so imagine I was so was anxious I felt at the thought of my husband or my daughter going through something and not seeing an end in site. It's a reality that can happen, and that I pray does not.

People who battle bipolar disorder will have times of great struggle and times they feel like they should be struggling. What has happened in our home, medication will work for a short time, or will work at the cost of enjoying life. The highs will stop and the lows are just high enough to brush your teeth and eat your meals. Sometimes they work in such a way that everything is amplified. Your thoughts can become more disturbing to yourself, and you're afraid to share them with others.

My hope is that awareness is raised,  but that this awareness not be fleeting. That the stigma of mental illness not be one of shame and misunderstanding. That a person can ask for help and not be told by a loved on that they are "being dramatic" or "it's in your head", and the best answer "You just need Jesus". Sometimes even those with strong faith, have dark hours.
I tell my kids, even before this happened....if the thought even crosses your mind, tell me. If you are afraid to tell me, call your uncle. My brother Mario isn't judgmental, and I know he would help them to get the help they need, or sit and listen to what they are going through.

If you are someone you know are battling mental illness seek help, seek education, seek understanding.

Resources:
NAMI
Mental Health America
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Veterans Crisis Line