Unschooled, homeschooled...change

This is a photo of Joaquin watching a video, because he loves videos.  My kids are all going in the direction of their choices. Dexter, Waylon and Hezzie wants online charter school. Dexter has been approved and starts next Tuesday. Waiting to here about the other kids.

Joaquin and Maggie are still fans of unschooling or rather life learning. This type of learning is what really works best for them.  All kids learn differently. I've learned to respect that. I'm really excited and a bit anxious about the changes. 

There are a lot of changes going on. We are looking to move to a permanent location. Looking for an area more central to the needs we have as a family. Nothing big city, nothing rural. I have a house picked out, hoping it's something move in ready and what God wants for us. It's in a town with what appears to be an amazing parish. The town also has a great Boy Scout Troop and Cub Scout Pack we intend on visiting. I'll start a Girl Scout troop or Maggie can choose to be a Julliette. 

The town has a lot if locally owned businesses, close to the boys specialist, music, theatre and family activities. There's also a Montessori middle school that a couple of my kids would eventually like to attend. There is also a lot of parks, and it's bike friendly. 

I'm sad to know there is a good chance we will be leaving the place we've calked home since 2001, the place that all of our kids (except steph and dex) were made in love and have only ever known. I've got and amazing framily here. But, things have recently changed or are in the process of changing. Sometimes change is scary, but very necessary. 

complete mayhem

This is an older picture of Tanni. Before she got completely needy. She is so attached to me lately, to the point I scream for time that is quiet and without someone near me. I behaving like a child.
When I was in the hospital she stayed with my mom, and even overnight a couple nights. I missed her and she apparently missed me. She is in my face or my stuff all the time. It's frustrating when I leave her home and my lipsticks are missing the lids and my bedroom door is wide open, I leave is closed.
I know some of my crazy feeling are stress, age and just needing time with grown people. I love my baby, I love her to the moon and back. Part of me has a weird feeling she knows something it going to happen to me. That is my anxiety letting my brain act a fool.
40 is around the corner, and I need to cherish the tiny years with her. She likes doing what I do. I never had that with Maggie, so I am making it a point forward....embrace it.

August Confessions

This is a series I used to do on an old blog. Let me revisit it.

1. I am trying very hard to get organized. 

2. I have been yelling way too much.

3. I think I send sabotage, that's never good.

4. I wish people who leave my room alone, because it's nice when I'm in there  and it's clean.

5. I'm frustrated with my kids and their shenanigans.

6. I just want a Pepsi and cookies!

7. I'm scared that I'm not on diabetes meds anymore.

8. I love babyshowers!

9. My weightloss has made my body oddly shaped.

10. Sometimes Tanni feels too needy!

Thoughts

Here I am, deleting my post for about the fifth time. I tried writing about decluttering, about toothaches and random things. Really what is on my mind is the struggle and death of one Mr. Robin Williams. I only knew him from the screen, both television and movie. I never saw him on stage, but that neither here nor there.

Last night I fell asleep a bit early, was woken up by my nursing 9 month old, followed by the pangs of my my five year old toothache. I laid there for some times thinking, possibly too much. I read and shared articles on Facebook about suicide, depression, and mental illness in general. His death really upset me, it scared me. Not because he seemingly "had it all" and was "so funny", and then this happened. No, it's because of the battle he was fighting is something that lingers within my core family. I have anxiety, so imagine I was so was anxious I felt at the thought of my husband or my daughter going through something and not seeing an end in site. It's a reality that can happen, and that I pray does not.

People who battle bipolar disorder will have times of great struggle and times they feel like they should be struggling. What has happened in our home, medication will work for a short time, or will work at the cost of enjoying life. The highs will stop and the lows are just high enough to brush your teeth and eat your meals. Sometimes they work in such a way that everything is amplified. Your thoughts can become more disturbing to yourself, and you're afraid to share them with others.

My hope is that awareness is raised,  but that this awareness not be fleeting. That the stigma of mental illness not be one of shame and misunderstanding. That a person can ask for help and not be told by a loved on that they are "being dramatic" or "it's in your head", and the best answer "You just need Jesus". Sometimes even those with strong faith, have dark hours.
I tell my kids, even before this happened....if the thought even crosses your mind, tell me. If you are afraid to tell me, call your uncle. My brother Mario isn't judgmental, and I know he would help them to get the help they need, or sit and listen to what they are going through.

If you are someone you know are battling mental illness seek help, seek education, seek understanding.

Resources:
NAMI
Mental Health America
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Veterans Crisis Line

Oh, Saturday!

Rooms were switched around today. I have major oral and facial pain. Why does this need to happen now?

Kids are in good spirits and looking forward to adding a new prayer this upcoming week. Tanni is learning to chew gum like a lady. She's a cutie, sometimes she a beast.

Maggie bought a cool toy to review at the Dollar Tree. It's pretty fun and she's playing this evening with Hezzie. 

My goal is to get quality sleep and to wake up refreshed. 

Life Skills

Maybe I should call them "Momma Helpin' Skills". Joaquin learned how to pump gas yesterday, after he went in and paid for it. He was really happy and really confused at first. 

He also can run into our favorite grocery store now. He likes going in and picking up some fruit, drinks and stuff for a salad. He's getting big and is liking doing some more independent things. 

He is excited about a few things when he's older. He wants to learn to drive, and get a job at Walgreens. And really he could do both.

He got his FitBit yesterday, and he's on a roll. Love this kid and all his quirks. He's a good kid who couldn't look at my face when we had our sex talk yesterday.  But, even kids who are not atypical need that talk.

Park Time

We went to the park for a little bit this afternoon. It was nice to get fresh wait and exercise. The kids played on the equipment and then we walked across the park to the veterans memorial. It was really a nice time.

Like the good Cub Scout he is, Hezzie had his first aid kit. He is pretty awesome like that. I like doing things like this, it makes my heart warm and sun is good. 

 

Then we got to come home, make dinner and enjoy some time in prayer. The prayer we are practicing this week:

The Apostles Creed

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth;
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son Our Lord,
Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into Hell; the third day He rose again from the dead;
He ascended into Heaven, and sitteth at the right hand of God, the Father almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting.
Amen.