10 Things I Do When I Can't Sleep

1. Lay in bed and wish I was sleeping.

2. Move furniture around. That always makes people happy in the morning.

3. Pray. 

4. Watch movies in Netflix.

5. Clean rooms and then leave them half cleaned.

6. Organize toys and books. Usually this includes purging and later regretting giving away a copy of a J.D. Salinger book or a wooden toy.

7. Read fantastic books and go even longer without sleep.

8. Wash walls and leave the soap mix on the counter.

9. Rearrange my altar.

10. Make lists of things to do with scouting.

You know that thing, where you feel like the world is crumbling on you...and it's piles of laundry? That is me lately. I feel like I'm a bad homemaker most days. 

Laundry is one of my favorite things to do, until I see clean clothes on the closet floor covered with muddy toys. Okay, sometimes just the fact that they aren't hanging makes them dirty to me. 

I have a laundry system and sometimes people interrupt it. They put clothes in baskets that could easily be hung, or on top of the dryer, and then they fall behind it. Ugh! 

This just makes me crazy, then a skip a day or two of laundry and I'm back under the world crushing piles of laundry.

Should I feel bad ? Probably not. But, I can't help but not think that the laundry falling behind is just the push I need to to get my lazy business cards made.

Until next time here is cookie pretending like he doesn't know me.

-The Notorious M.O.M.

What I Really Want for Mothers Day

1. I want my kids to clean their rooms. Clean them really good. Because, I don't want to.

2. I want my kids to not fight. Because, it makes feel like I'm on a crazy train when they do.

3. I want someone to weed and hoe my front yard. Because, I want to plant colorful things all over.

4. I want someone to weed and clean my backyard. Because, I want to lay on a recliner under a tree drinking sweet tea. Yeah, I'm that neighbor.

5. I want picture frames. Because, I want to display pictures of my kids awkward phases, so one day when they come to visit, we can laugh til I pee my pants. Trust me, it won't take much.

Is that too much to ask?

-The Notorious M.O.M.

Turning 38 and Self Pity

Yesterday I turned 38. I woke up to someone canceling plans on me. Then I went into a spiral of anxiety and self pity. Jimmy took the boys to speech for me. I laid dramatically on my love seat and cried. Then anxiety set in with ridiculous worries.

Most of the morning I saw my 38 years on earth as failure. My great goals never being accomplished and worry my kids will grow up to be horrible people. Worry that I'm dying in the short term and nobody will care. At the time all the fears were so real.

Another worry was that I'm too unhealthy to give any of them any more good life experiences and memories. I cried a good while, sat around without a bra. Then I got out of my head. 

My mom came to take me to lunch I did a few other things and ultimately had a good day. My kids and Jimmy made my day pretty special. I got a new owl, homemade cards, cake and homemade dinner.

Monday I see the therapist and hope to gain healing on several fronts. I have VA paperwork to fill out and need to get my dang ID. 

Life really isn't so bad, just sometimes things make it feel too much. 

My need a neck and head massage.

-The Notorious M.O.M.